Do take note

....that I write mostly emotional outpourings on this blog for various reasons. I am too careful to ever write anything political which is really what I love to do. And I am usually very reserved when it comes to expressing my emotions. That's why I write them out on this little blog which no one probably ever reads even though the link is on my facebook. Of course, if you are reading this and/or have read previous entries, kindly comment on this and let me know instead of being a creeper. You can sign your comment as anonymous but leave me a clue that only I would know as to who you really are.

With that being said....I honestly don't write much on here. Maybe I should write down my philosophical ramblings here instead of letting those crazy fascinating ideas decay in the farthest corners of my brain, like opened bottles of wine left out for too long.

I miss you. I could weep like a small child right now, the way I did on that last night. I'm sorry I'm weak.  I think I may have fallen in love with you.

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I've been so unbelievably, ridiculously happy. I'm alright with not knowing what my plans are for the next few years of my life. As long as this doesn't end.

Can I, please?

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I think I'm ready. Fuck, no, I lied. I'm not ready to grow up. Fuck...I'm not even ready for that. Fuck.

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I'm getting smarter every time. Thank God for that.

Been there. Done that.

 

C'est ce que je voulais.

I just remembered something. I was at the Trevii Fountain in Rome. I never made a wish. I never tossed a coin. Guess I was moving a little too fast. 

Would it have made any difference? 

You wouldn't know, would you? You've already missed the chance.
It's never coming back darling, it's never coming back. 

" Da mi basia mille, deinde centum;
dein mille altera, dein secunda centum;
deinde usque altera mille, deinde centum." 

Nizar Qabbani

"Your love taught me things
that were never accounted for
So I read children's fairytales
I entered the castles of Jennies
and I dreamt that she would marry me
the Sultan's daughter
those eyes...
clearer than the water of a lagoon
those lips...
more desirable than the flower of pomegranates
and I dreamt that I would kidnap her like a knight
and I dreamt that I would give
her necklaces of pearl and coral
Your love taught me, my lady,
what is insanity
it taught me... how life may pass
without the Sultan's daughter arriving"

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The distance from 'A' to where you'd be
It's only finger-lengths that I see
I touch the place where I'd find your face
My finger in creases of distant dark places

I hang my coat up in the first bar
There is no peace that I've found so far
The laughter penetrates my silence
As drunken men find flaws in science

Their words mostly noises
Ghosts with just voices
Your words in my memory
Are like music to me
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"Sometimes, I think that you hate me. And that scares me so much. It shouldn't but it still does. I'm so sorry."

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Alice under a tree.

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Paris, tu me manques. You've helped me grow. You've changed me. 
I'll come find you again, one day, I promise.

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Paris, je te retrouverais encore, un jour, je promets.

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"If my heart was a compass you'd be north. Risk it all because I'll catch you if you fall. 
Wherever you go, if my heart was a house you'd be home."

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"Je suis devenu dialogue." - François Cheng

Sometimes I go for days without speaking my own language. I get a little lost.

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I've come to realize that it's probably my role in life to make everyone else happy.

Hey, do you want to hear something ironic? Something fucked up?
I can say "I Love You" in 10 different languages.

I've never said it to someone who wanted to hear it the way I mean it.

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To all the things of 2009. The laughter, the tears, the poor choices, the heart-breaks, the new friends.

Dear 2009,

I should be over you by now. But I'm not. I just suck at this. I'm so sorry. Please don't hate me.

One of your victims,

Hnin

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Nice girls finish last. But I'm alright with that. 
I'm alright with the fact that I might just always be lonely. 
Because guess what? 
I'm never going to stop being nice. I just can't.

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Things inside quotation marks

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Sometimes I post things in quotation marks, my very own words in quotation marks. Because that way I can fool people into thinking that they're not my own thoughts and feelings but something out of a song, a poem, or a quotation by someone famous and clever.

I always give away too much. I'm scared now.


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I want your ugly, I want your disease.

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Play count on my iTunes library: Bad Romance, 97 fucking times.

Who knew a pop song could be so painfully addictive? I know it's wrong.

I could die of a Bad Romance overdose.

"I want your love and all your lovers' revenge. You and me could write a bad romance............ Caught in a bad romance."


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Falling In Love At A Coffee Shop

"I think that possibly, maybe I'm falling for you. Yes, there's a chance that I've fallen quite hard over you..."

Velvet Ribbon

I would take my love, fragile and tender
and wrap it up in a velvet ribbon
And present it to you on a silver salver.

Open your eyes to me, see this passion boiling over
As clouds disrupt the ever moving sky.

Take heed of my smile, it masks deep feelings.
Look behind my eyes, they are pools of
disappointment in a tragedy of errors.

But you don't pass your gaze my way.
I am invisible to you.
You do not hear my words of confession.
I have presented my feelings, on a plate.
Given you the prize.

I gaze through the clouds at the deep red sky.
It reminds me of my journey.

Scurrying off down the spiral staircase
Skirts tripping me as I go
I crack my head on the concrete floorway
Spilling my grief, expelling my fears.

"Lumosflies"

The cutest parody I've found so far.
Raise your glasses; here's to fear of rejection and unrequited love. Let's keep playing the game till we win.

The slower we move the faster we die.

"How much does your life weigh? Imagine for a second that you're carrying a backpack. I want you to pack it with all the stuff that you have in your life... you start with the little things. The shelves, the drawers, the knickknacks, then you start adding larger stuff. Clothes, tabletop appliances, lamps, your TV... the backpack should be getting pretty heavy now. You go bigger. Your couch, your car, your home... I want you to stuff it all into that backpack. Now I want you to fill it with people. Start with casual acquaintances, friends of friends, folks around the office... and then you move into the people you trust with your most intimate secrets. Your brothers, your sisters, your children, your parents and finally your husband, your wife, your boyfriend, your girlfriend. You get them into that backpack, feel the weight of that bag. Make no mistake your relationships are the heaviest components in your life. All those negotiations and arguments and secrets, the compromises. The slower we move the faster we die. Make no mistake, moving is living. Some animals were meant to carry each other to live symbiotically over a lifetime. Star crossed lovers, monogamous swans. We are not swans. We are sharks." - Up In The Air

"Bang! Bang! We're beautiful dirty rich." Fuck, I miss my life back in Paris.

"This one a long time have I watched. All his life has he looked away to the future, to the horizon. Never his mind on where he was."
- Jedi Master Yoda